You are not alone

When I write these blogs, pronouns like you and I are used often. I've noticed some confusion, and I do get questions about who they are directed towards or about.  A lot of times I'm writing to you, the reader, or writing to myself. I like to go back and read my writing and see it from a different angle. I'm constantly writing letters to my future self. I also like to skip names, incase the brutal emotion I rawly post is a bit much towards one person.
I'm currently house sitting, and am finding myself in lots of silence and low-key days. I'll get half way through a day, then realize I'm feeling lonely.
If you were to ask younger Jennise what her biggest fear is, she would have said being alone. I'm really a social person, and I have trouble embracing that it's just part of who I have always been.

Sometimes, in desperation, really dark times or really confusing moments, you may feel alone... But you're not. Everyone that you have met is still with you. That song stuck in your head? That was written by somebody, and produced by somebody, and loved by many. You are not alone, because that memory your mother or your friend that is no longer with you, or very far away, is still there. They touched you, they made you smile, they gave you the shirt that you're wearing.
I got a letter today from a friend in Texas, she drew a circle on a piece of paper filled with words. "My finger literally touched this spot riiiight here", and touching it made me feel close to her. I felt like I was holding a bit of her in my hand, though it's been weeks since I've seen her. I'm not alone, because Camille will always be with me wherever I go. I'll be able to hold on to the letter that she hand-wrote on the back of a "10 dumb things I gotta do" list. I'm not alone, even when I'm walking down a road with no soul in sight. I'm not alone, because when my laces were close to destroyed, Rich sent me new ones. When she wanted to help me along this journey, Jessie bought me this jacket. Nicole gave me this shirt the last time I was in Denver. When I ripped my thigh on a fence wrangling ducks, Angie gave me these pants. Sarah gave me a Journal that's almost full of my thoughts and expierices and worries.
It's not just the things that I own that make me not alone, that's not what I'm trying to get at. What I'm trying to say is, these people really wanted to make an impact on me. I have so little things in my backpack, but most of them have been touched or given by those who care for me. It's incredible, and it means that I have not been alone at one point in time, so I'm not alone now. You're reading this blog, which gives me the strength to know that you care or you're curious or you're becoming inspired.
I can't count how many people have helped me with rides, places to lay my head, extremely well-thought-out advice, and well wishes. Countless strangers on busses and trains start conversations with me, and nine times out of ten we part ways with smiles and clearer thoughts.

There are some times in depression or desperation or confusion where we do feel alone. Maybe we've been cooped up in the house too long, or at the same job for too long, or had something terrible happen and somebody is not giving us support. The list of how you started feeling this is endless. Maybe you have clinical depression, maybe you're going through a break up, maybe you've always felt alone in a crowded room.
 There are 7 billion people on this planet, there is at least one person out there that wants to give you the support that they think you deserve. It could be just one, a dozen, maybe it's hundreds or thousands or more. Find that song that you love, that movie that makes you laugh or cry, that book that feels like a friend when yours can't talk to you. Keep moving forward, because there are people out there. I don't just mean behind this screen, open your door, and open your heart.

A lot of people worry for safety in this day and age. I can only say I am as safe as humanly possible for myself. Yes, I have a small arsenal of weapons (thank you Allison, Rachel, and Dad) but I haven't used one in self defense in these past months. Almost every single person I meet voices worry for my safety. If that doesn't make you realize that we're all in this together, I'm not sure what does. I've met hundreds of people all ranging in size and shape and color and age, and they all just want me to be safe.
As we know all too well, there are terrible people in this world that want to cause harm. We can't let that hold us in doors and bar us from living. I met a woman who ownes of thrift shop in a small town. She told me "I hate people,I don't think I could do what you're doing", so she stays where she is comfortable.
Did not write this blog when I first left, I wrote it right now. The trust I have has been built up overtime. I only trusted my close group of friends and family, but nobody else. Day after day, week after week, I'm coming into contact with humans that really want to affect me positively. They could tear me down and steal my stuff and leave me out in the cold. I have been given help, I've been giving hugs, I've been given food and clothing and shelter. The amount of advice and positive wishes that are thrown my way amaze me.  A lot of people really do wish you well. Sometimes I've only known these people for a few minutes, but I trust them because I haven't had a reason not to.

If we really want it, we can make this world a beautiful place. We can send love and good energy and positive vibes. We could send letters, new underwear (thanks Mom!), or teach new skills or advice as we go. Everything is revolving, what you give comes back to you, and there's no reason to put out negative energy if you see it as recycling.
Stay safe, and be careful, but also find the comfort to trust and love, and possibly be fearless. Start small, smile at a stranger, share a conversation in line with someone you've never seen before. If you look for it, it's there. The happiness and the love and the support is there. You have to trust yourself and you have to trust the universe.
I love you and I want only the best for you.
Thank you for your time.