You can't always get what you want

A good portion of my journey has been spent re-focusing my mind on things I can control. When I had a steady job, a car, and things filling up a room I called mine, I felt like I was the captian of my days. If I had a strong enough will, things would work out in my best interest. Some days I would whine that things weren't going my way. Something changed my plans, or the weather wasn't what I wanted. "It's okay," I would tell myself, "tomorrow will be better."
Tomorrows never turned out how I wanted. I kept trying to find the control over my mood, and after failing, I would find control in the little things. "Today was hard. I'll go buy myself sushi, and everything will be better", "this week was rough, I'll take a bath and drink wine, and maybe I'll sleep better."
No one could have told me the truth about the lies I was telling myself. Maybe they did, but I turned a deaf ear. If my day isn't controlled by me, what's the point? Why should I keep moving if it's not forward?
"Where is your next stop on this adventure?" I have been asked by so many people. I simply tell them I don't know, I don't travel that way. I don't make plans, because it's not up to me. Seven months ago I would try to control little things about my journey, and when they didn't go my way, I would feel weak. I would want to give up, feeling useless. I had to take a deep breath and see what I needed to, not what I wanted to.
If I was in %100 control of this trip, I wouldn't be in Shreveport, LA. If I was in control, my time in Texas would have been so different. I'm glad I'm a passenger on this journey. I needed to spend a month in Dallas, and in later blogs I'll do my best to explain how perfect Texas is in my eyes. I needed to scrape my knees and love fearlessly and meet a group of people that I thought would only be acquaintances. I was the perfect passenger, and one day, when I want more control, I'll go back. I'll walk the same streets and share drinks with people I'll never forget.
I remember saying I knew there was a lesson to learn in Texas. I wanted the answers to all my questions the first few days I was there. Sometimes it's not about what you're wanting to know, it's about what you need. I wasn't asking the right questions, but I wasn't inncorect to ask them. I also didn't get a lot of answers or new ideas until after a full month under the Texas sun.
I'll never regret going back. I'll never regret meeting every single person on this journey. It's not about the expectations, it's the reality you need.