Hello from this bathtub in Dallas. Hello from the bottom of my heart.
I've found myself overcome with a feeling inbetween remorse and curiosity. I can't tell if it has always been with me, or if it's a place I've found while I have no place.
When people ask, I let them know that yes, I am homeless according so some. Must a traveller have a home? Must being without one be a problem?
I have no home, but I also have many. I've found a home in Dallas, a place I never dreamed I would adore. A place where everyone is beautiful from the inside out. No one feels a stranger to me here.
I've found a home in Ventura, California, where I spent time with a vibrant soul. We bearly knew each other, but we found commonalities over the smell of garlic and red wine. The sense of home I feel when I hear her voice is reminiscent of the hot springs where we met.
I've felt home on the freeways, side streets, and interstates I've driven with brave people who let a stranger in their car. The stories I heard and connections I feel are priceless. I laugh when I realise how short of time we spent together, because 12 hours felt like years in the best way possible.
The home I've felt when I meet a new couchsurf host, see an old friend, or smile at a passerby. What I thought would keep me safe before was solice and cynicism. I thought I had to build my own castle, and hope no one tore it down when I was resting. Now I see the freedom in dropping my tools and only offering a smile. This moat is unneeded, it will only drown me if I fall.
And how I have fallen. I've raised my white flag before and during many battles, but the enemy wasn't in sight. The people I have met along my journey, the chosen family I'll always feel in the northwest, they were all I saw when I wanted to surrender. They could have torn me down and bound my hands. I feared they might shake their heads and rolled their eyes. But instead, there they were, behind me with my colors streaming in the wind. They surrounded me with light and filled me with hope. They offered advice, beds, and stories to learn.
I'll always have this fear that I am always alone. I'll constantly battle with the fact this could all be a dream, and someone will wake me up when I least expect it.
"We are our own dragons as well as our own heroes, and we have to rescue ourselves from ourselves."
I can be my own hero, but I would never be this strong without the warriors behind me. I can be exactly who I need to be in the face of danger. I can build up walls, and I can let people in, and no one has to crumble. We all have our own battles to fight, and I want you to know, you have my loyalty. I will do my best to support you when you need a steady hand, a calm head, or a smile in need of sharing. I will be here for you as you have been for me. We are strong on our own, but we are unstoppable in numbers.
Thank you.