Struggling

"Just give me pavement"
I can't tell you how many times I said that.
"Please, just get me off this gravel."
I had two options. 6.8 miles of gravel road, or 9 of paved, smooth, perfect highway.
I forgot to mention, that highway doesn't have a shoulder. I didn't know that until I was a mile into HWY 169. Three separate people told me to take it, but I didn't know to ask about my personal space away from speeding semi's.
So I turned right onto a road that from google maps looked like it could be paved. I was wrong.
Foot after foot I bumped along, stopping what felt like every three feet. I was making excuses to alleviate the feeling rushing through my body. "I should eat. When was the last time I peed? Will those horses let me touch them? Time to drink water"
I know those were separate thoughts and deserve their own quotations, but they all muddled together as I shook like a bobble head on a dashboard.
The horses didn't let me touch them, but they stared at me while I asked where the pavement started. I lost count of how many times I stopped.
"I have to get to Aitkin" I mumbled as I looked at the miles of sky. I turned around to look at the highway I left behind. I shook my head, and reminded myself It's a holiday weekend.
I'm trying to save phone battery, since I left my battery pack on the train in Dallas. I finally gave in and pulled out headphones. Amanda Palmer's voice over came me in waves as I fumbled to grip the handlebars. She told me about her loss of her best friend, her fears surrounding her baby, and all of her flaws. I kept moving, song after song.
Then it hit- Pavement. And I exhaled. It was less than 4 miles of gravel, but it felt like purgatory.
I know I have so many more rough roads  to handle. I know it wont be all fun and strawberry picking. I went 4 miles yesterday without a rear break because my tire wont stay centered. But I made it.
It got down to 40 degrees last night. I just got rid of my long sleeve because I figured I was past cold nights. This wont be the last time I'm wrong.
I can do this. I love you.