state of mind

Today, I went looking for an item in my cart and realized it was no longer there. I searched everywhere, in places I knew I had never put it hoping that maybe it would show up.

This weekend, a person I met in Bemidji on my first night of the trail took me in and helped me work on my bike. He showed me his lake cabin, boated me around, and worked with his neighbor on a trailer hitch that will no longer pull on my axel. I went and celebrated the long holiday weekend with his really nice family. I met his niece-in-law who adamantly persisted that I write a non-fiction book about my current lifestyle. I had an over-the-top weekend, full of good food and fun.

This morning, I was miserable. The one little thing that I wanted was gone. Where did I drop it?

I was standing feet away from the most amazing thing I have ever seen. A force of life that has fed and housed and is never still. I was in Aitkin, Minnesota, where I crowded the night before with townspeople at a carnival to watch bright explosions fill the sky.

But that thing. Now it's gone. Did it drop out of my cart into the car as we transported it back north for the weekend? Did it drop on the side of the road as I bumped along 3 miles of gravel? A raccoon took my food the second night we were at the lake. Did he steal it?

I sighed. I packed up my hammock, ate some breakfast, and walked the riverbank. I couldn't get it off my mind, but there was no way to double back two car hours north to search the cabin. I couldn't check the car that was now almost equidistant south. I could only do one thing.

Keep moving forward

With every rotation of my wheels, I left the town with bright lights and home-made desserts. I kept going, and ticked off my miles as I turned left or right.

8.7 miles on 4th st.

4.7 miles on CR 30.

3.8 miles on cr 31.

I found myself thinking about my mood this morning. I had received so much this last weekend. Food, a place to sleep, laughter, hugs, smiles and well wishes. But all I could think of this morning was how upset I was for losing a small plastic item. "It's just a thing" I heard myself tell the miles of road in front of me. "I can keep moving without it."

I can, and I am.

It's not about where you are, or what has happened around you, it always comes back to what is inside. I could dwell on that item until I find a place to buy another one. I could lament and shake my head every mile I go- but what good would it do?

We don't have control over much. We can't control the weather, or the people that we meet, or the kindness of strangers. All we have control over is ourselves. We have to find happiness in what we have, no matter how small or messy it looks. I don’t want to be a person that dwells on the little thing that I no longer have. I want to cherish what I have and move forward with full force. We are what we choose to be.

Be happy. Keep moving forward.