Brain matter.

What are you worth to yourself?
I can't fully understand how others view me, or what they see when I enter their vision. I don't always see myself as the strong fighter I need to be, or understand why I can't be a soft pillow, awaiting someone's heavy head at the end of a long day.
After cycling through a small chunk of the south, I've found it difficult to be as hopeful as I was at the beginning of this trip. I'm so close to done, but still have so far to go. Each person that asks me what I'll do when I'm done, what my mother thinks, or why don't have a man only sends me deeper into a shell. I see them glare at my tattoos, and I smile as another brick is added to my defense wall. Somebody tells me how a husband, school, or kids would make my life more meaningful, and the fight to tell them off while still spreading peace and love continues.
I know what I need, and it's not these words that give no encouragement. If I simply ignore these people, what am I showing? What am I proving, or is that the point? There's nothing to prove, there's no one to help. It's only me, and myself alone that can make myself happy.
I don't believe that, because I know it isn't true. Every mile I have had support, Every comment and text and encouraging phonecall proves I'm not alone. There are many kinds of people in the world, and not all of them will be as loving as Maranda, or as kind as Cassie, or as supportive as my mother.
Some places are just not what they're cracked up to be. This is not my kind of place, but there are some people that want to help and support me wherever I go.  I've made so many friends, and may not see some of them ever again. I may not be back through here, but I'm here now. I can push through the mental block I have found myself in, I can take these next few hundred miles and find my happiness in the difficult mental, physical, or emotional hills. I've got this, and I can keep writing encouraging words when all I want to do is scream and cry and disappear.
Nothing great is ever easy. You don't owe them anything. You can keep moving forward. You are strong. Thank you for your hard work. I love you, and I want you to be happy.